Plot Synopsis
Fred Cochran, the hero, is a down-at-heel gangster, trying to make a comeback. Lil Smith is his loyal moll, a tart with a heart of gold (sort of),
who longs for respectability and keeps a marriage licence ready for her lucky day. Fred's shpieler (gambling den) provides a refuge for the failures
of the underworld: Paddy the gambler, Tosher the ponce with his girls Betty and Rosey, and Redhot, a sad little burglar who never manages to get warm.
They all look to Fred for a living and when he wins on the horses it seems the gang may be back in business. Fred redecorates his place, all
"contempery" and at the opening the Horrible Percey Fortesque comes to gamble and a rival leader, Meatface, is beaten in a razor fight. The play ends
with a wedding - Lil and Fred are giving up crime to go straight; handing over the shpieler to the constable on the beat who has long wanted to go
crooked!
Directors note on all the characters
Fings is set in the late 50’s, however, I want the characters to be far more contemporary. I definitely don’t want music hall interpretations of
the cheeky chappie or Victorian sounding voices. More Eastenders than Oliver!.
Character Breakdown
To view the audition pieces please click on the 'Dialogue' link for each character
To listen to the audition songs please click on the relevant song link for each character, this should open in Windows Media player.
Fred - a gangster
Dialogue: Page 6 "the proofs" to page 7 "and me" (Rosey), top of 10 to song
on 11
Song: "Fings aint wot they used t'be"
Playing age between 45 and 55
Fred has been a villain all his adult life, Ten years ago he was at his peak and was the razor king of the manor. Now he owns a broken down
spieler in the back streets of Soho. Although he doesn’t realise it himself, he’s past his sell buy date, but would you tell him? I wouldn’t. He has
a lot of dialogue throughout, a strong character who loves Lil, his long suffering girlfriend.
He has 3 songs although 1 is in a rough Rex Harrison style and the other 2 are acted as much as sung
Lil - a gangsters moll
Dialogue: Page 6 "the proofs" to page 7 "and me" (Rosey), top of 10 to song on 11
Song: "Fings aint wot they used t'be"
Playing age between 40 and 50
Lil is Fred’s bird and after years on the game she’s getting fed up with spieler and all the tarts and low life who 'lay abart' all day and night.
She’s not quite the tart with the heart but she does have a soft side that comes out from time to time and she really does want Fred to put a ring on
her finger
She has lots of dialogue and is involved in 4 songs.
Paddy - a gambler
Dialogue: p 22 to 23
Song "The ceilings coming darn"
Playing age between 40 and 65
Runs the tea bar in the club and he does have a heart of gold, one of Fred oldest mates and is real bog Irish. Always giving tea away to the
punters, a happy, friendly man,
Lots of dialogue and Involved in 2 songs
Sergeant Collins - old bill
Dialogue: p 54
Song: "G'night dearie" and "Cop a bit of pride"
Playing age between 35 and 65
Has been on the same beat for years, on the take from all the villains. Would love to run his own club. No one trusts him and probably with good
reason. Sneaky but understands how things are and how it all works, know bodies fool.
Lots of dialogue and involved in 2 songs
Betty - a brass
Dialogue: p 46 to 47
Song:"G'night dearie"
Playing age between 35 and 50
With her mate Rosey, they work for Tosher the local pimp. Fed up with there lot, they’re finding it increasingly difficult to find any punters.
A very brassy brass. Loud but not nasty, more worldly.
A fair bit of dialogue and involved in 3 songs
Rosey - a young brass
Dialogue: p 46 to 47
Song: "G'night dearie" and "where do little birds go to"
Playing age between 17 and 22, needs a lovely singing voice
Betty’s side kick, soft but from a rough part of town. Can come over a bit naive at times.
A fair bit of dialogue. Has a lovely song 'where do little birds go' and 2 other songs
Tosher - a Pimp
Dialogue: p 46 to 48
Song: "the student ponce"
Playing age between 40 and 50ish
Slimly, lazy, sleazy, sneaky. Always on the make. Works for Fred but Fred knows what he’s like. He’s quick witted and funny.
Lots of Dialogue and involved in 4 songs. His main song is great and is called 'the student ponce.'
Redhot - a prison lag
Dialogue: page 12 to page 14 (cant frighten me)
Song: "Where its hot"
Playing age between 45 and 70
Red has spent most of his life behind bars for burglary and is bound to do more soon. A bit soft or slow (or is he). Very fond of Fred and Lil.
He’s always cold and has a heavy coat on even in the summer
Lots of dialogue and a great little song + one other
Horrace Seaton - an interior designer
Dialogue: p 24 to 25
Song: "Contempery"
Playing age between 20 and 45
An interior designer. My mum would have described him as 'artistic' or 'a bit light on his feet'. He is overtly camp and is the interior designer.
Can be as camp as Christmas. Almost panto.
A good bit of dialogue and a good song with Lil
Percy Fortesque - a toff
Dialogue: p 44 to 45
Song: "Fings" reprise p 43
Playing age between 40 and 70
A posh twit who still thinks he has lots of money and still thinks he hob knobs with the toffs. The truth is he’s skint and is on the look out for
his next free drink.
A few pages of dialogue and a song (could double up?)
Myrtle - a toffs tart
Dialogue: p 44 to 45
Song: "Fings" reprise p 43
Playing age between 30 and 50ish.
Frightfully posh don’t you know. Percy’s bit of stuff, hasn’t got a clue about real life.
A few bits of dialogue and a song with Percy (could double up)
Norman - a Ted
Dialogue: p 1 and p 41 to 42
Song "Big Time"
Playing age between 18 and 25
Knows what he wants and where he's going but the others know hell never get there.
A little dialogue and 2 great songs, has to dance (rock and roll style)
Dancers
Teddy boys and Girls (can double up as punters etc)
3 dance numbers 2 of which are rock and roll style
The Brass upstairs
Playing age 25 to 50
As it says on the tin, looks more of a high class escort, lives upstairs.
A couple of lines but visible a lot and can steal scenes (could double?)
Others
A policewoman (could double as The Brass upstairs)
A Police constable (could double as a gambler/builder)
Various Gamblers and Builders (could double as Percy)
A Priest (can double)
A mystery (can double)